Friday, February 10, 2012
Summer Grasses
She jumps at the fireflies that bob above her head. It was summer now, so the hot sticky grass sticks to her ankles. Louise had always loved to catch fireflies. She'll put the glowing jar in her room at watch the pulsating lights swirl until one by one they'll fall to the bottom of the jar. But for now, she will jump for fireflies. The moon is full but the sun is still out: the sky is purple and orange. Louise does not hear her mother calling her from walk-around porch. Louise does not smell the fried chicken cooking on the stove nor the lemonade made from the lemons in the grove. She is satisfied with the little lights that dance on the lucid summer breeze. It was one of those summers that Louise knew that would last forever. She would not stop for her dinner, nor for her lemonade, nor for her mother. She knows that she needs to stay with her ankles in the syrupy grass.
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What I really like about this piece is that my senses are going haywire. They are in use, which doesn’t tend to happen in many poems. I my Latin class the professor told the class touse to use as many sense as possible. She said that it is very helpful in terms of understanding a language. I think that also works for poetry. And I get the feeling that I’ll be able to remember this flash piece for a while because of the way it interacts my senses. I can scent of how the lemonade and fried chicken smell. I can taste and see the fried chicken on the stove. These are some lasting qualities that makes a piece last and work.
ReplyDeleteThis is a sensory feast!!! I love how sometimes you make the senses cross over--like "syrupy grass." You put so much vividness into catching a moment in time, and you really captured the personality of this character in the action of such a short piece. I loved reading this.
ReplyDeleteNice voice being maintained here; it was consistent and sweet, albeit a little foreboding towards the end. This idea that the summer would last forever and Louise wouldn't stop for anything makes me wonder what happens to Louise when the summer does inevitably end.
ReplyDeleteAlso: "the sticky grass sticks" reads a little bumpy to me. Syrupy grass was great, though.