The sun was still blue in the sky; the feast had been eaten and was strewn around the
floor. He went into the bedroom where the candlesticks were burned and melted into puddles of
sap. He looked for the gold his father had saved for the next famine. Cautiously taking up all the
coin on his nightstand that was stuck in the wax like bees, he left the room. Although he had said
that he wouldn’t leave again: promising that he would cut sheep’s wool for the rest of his life, he left for a second time. He walked along the road kicking up the dirt and slop to see the
city glow ahead of him. The sun was glossed the landscape with a thick iridescent mist
which swallowed up his old, family, farm, as he walked further into the city’s iridescent ember-like
glow. He dared to return to the streets where he had bought tapestries, linen, and whores. His
landlord will not be surprised that will have a greater sum of coin than before. She would
willingly take his coin just as he would willingly dissolve his father’s trust. He returned to the
place of sin where his favorite whore resided, she was still gauzed in red film, cautiously naked
underneath. He grazed his hands on her thin spine and whispered for her return. He returned to
the alley where he gambled away his fortune twice before to see his fellows crouching around
pestilence and flies. They winced up at his gold hand and begged for his forgiveness. He
responded with the crunching of his sandals on the heads of cockroaches with his woman in tow:
drenched in jasmine. He will go there tonight: to the place he had owned--the city will welcome
him back, just ask his father.
It had never occurred to me that the city could be another sort of father figure in the prodigal son story, and I really like the implications of that! It's a very strong, neat ending to a piece with a ton of strong imagery. As I read this piece the tone was a bit rushed; I didn't feel like I could linger over each image as I wanted to. There's not really much dead space; I feel like every sentence has a very strong and necessary image to convey.
ReplyDeleteRESPONSE TO PRODIGAL SON RETURNS TO CITY:
ReplyDeleteThis piece has some really strong detail. The descriptions of the “iridescent ember like glow” and “bought tapestries, linen, and whores” possess such a tangible but also surreal quality that is almost out of a Gaspar Noé film. The details have a capitalist urge to them, though I’m a little hesitant in saying that for a description. I mean that the details that the Prodigal Son picks up define him. The details work as purchases he makes to define him, hence the capitalist hint. What also helps this piece is that they all have a relation to the character and aren’t just items that are thrown out. All the items and descriptions work to add to the protagonist’s character.
An interesting new chapter in this story. Once a prodigal, always a prodigal. What motivates him to leave again? It seems as though he leaves almost immediately after returning home (the feast has just been eaten); did he just come home for a good meal? To steal the rest of his father's gold? Or is he missing the woman he left back in the city? The fellows in the alley seem unnecessary, a little clichéd. I'd focus on the woman ("his woman") who seems to be more to him than a prostitute. There are some typos and verb tense issues--proofread before posting!
ReplyDelete