Sunday, January 29, 2012
How Can I See Myself?
I look in the mirror and I see a ghost: someone who is a shadow within themselves. Glancing and joining eyes with the reflection to find a spark within them. No. I'm hallow. The colorless spheres of glass that inhabit those hallow walls are cracked and leak open with tears, my core flutters and reverberates full of unbalanced sobs. It has been ten years; I wish that you were here: the only one who could understand, who could truly help, help me. They constrict me then attempt to bend me in their direction, but they have finally broken me. I am no longer rooted and solid, I am shattered stone. Their words are ice. Give me your unbiased guidance. They say that need is based on those who call, I'm calling to you, am I worthy? Have you gone so far away that you can not hear me? I put my clothes back on and turn off the light. They say that I am my mother's reflection, but I see a shadow of her within my eyes.
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There are so many moments of beauty in this. The last two sentences in particular. I would like to read this piece with the lines like "It has been ten years" and "I wish that you were here" left a little more vague. The emotion behind the piece is clear and may be speaking louder than you think.
ReplyDeleteI'd try writing this in the third person to get some distance, and/or in the first person but directed to "her' rather than "you." This draft feels too close, too personal, addressed to someone who is not the reader and therefore knows a lot more than we do and does not need the details that we need in order to piece this together. I think you want "hallowed" or "hollow," and perhaps both.
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